2. Life on Bored

 

This is actually QUITE FUN! We’re cruisers now, we’ve got most of it sussed, although D still doesn’t know his aft from his port, but we’re flashing our cruise cards like pros and managing to line up in the right place in the Waterside Buffet. Disappointment number 4 when first encountering the buffet, as my image of towering banks of food, artfully displayed in sparkling tureens alongside trailing jasmine, pink roses and pampas grasses, all reflected in huge gilt edged mirrors, turned out to be a trifle optimistic. 

Plenty of food, and actually very good food, but in canteen style trays and ladled out by the staff instead of self service, due to ‘infection control’. (My daughter says it’s not that, it’s greedy b*stard control). Apparently, if no-one reports the squits in 72 hours, we’re back to helping ourselves, but cunningly limited by the fact there are no trays, so only a maximum of two plates of heavily laden goodies will be possible each time. Although I’ll be quite prepared to revisit several times, even if I have to queue; the coleslaw is to die for.

Queueing is a way of life on the ship and once that’s been completed it’s not easy to find a seat. The old pros find one at 7am and don’t move for the rest of the day, at least not until they’ve done several rounds of breakfast, lunch and afternoon tea. D & I had our first breakfast balanced on stools around a bulkhead, alongside two small boys. After that we stood around waiting for seats in the Costa and had to outrun a couple who came along after us, but spotted someone putting their book away first.

The thought of 3 days at sea on Sunday was more than a little daunting, especially as the choppy seas continued and our first night’s sleep was like kipping on a ride at Alton Towers.  

3 days to pass the time…in between staggering around the decks, queuing, stopping to eat, having a drink, eating again, queueing, having a drink, and eating again, so diversions from boredom are essential. No problem! The daily newsletter ‘Horizon’, lists all the available activities, from the Flamenco workshop, Body Sculpt Bootcamp and Salsa Improvers, to the Latest in Lines and Wrinkles Prevention, or Improving Your Posture With Goodfeet, plus many more. Adults Only Shuffleboard and Interactive Bowling sounded interesting and we were particularly intrigued by the Friends of Bill W Get-Together, in the Metropolis on Deck 18 Aft, every day at 4pm. We wondered if he was a famous person on the cruise, who had brought lots of friends. Turns out he was the founder of AA and the name is a discreet way of inviting people to meet up for a drink. Of coke.

We haven’t availed ourselves of any of the pursuits that involve leaving our seats (once we’ve got one), but we have really enjoyed watching Chris & Gill instruct the energetic elderly in a range of dance styles in the Atrium. We’ve also taken part in a Pub Quiz in the Exchange (13/20) and attended a Headliners Theatre Company Show  ‘On The Horizon’ in the Arena Theatre. Great stuff.

Freedom Dining means we can eat in three places, including The Cinnamon or The Saffron, where you put your name down and they page you when a table is ready. Takes a little longer when you have shuddered and violently shaken your head when asked if you would like to share a table. Lovely yummy food, served by very obliging staff, who I could just about forgive for asking D to taste the wine, rather than the person who ordered it. 

Sunday was the first ‘Black Tie’, where Horizon tells you to don ‘formal national dress or military uniform, or a favourite cocktail dress, tuxedo, ball gown, suit or smart jacket’. D chose the last one. Dressing in our cabin, which is a world away from the hubbub above, we felt sure that we would emerge in our lightly formal dress only to find everyone else in jeans and t shirts, sniggering at the newbies who believed the hype. Not so, we soon encountered many dinner jackets, bow ties, swathes of glittering lamé, chiffon and satin stoles. The gold tipped stiletto was firmly on the other foot.

The daily newsletter is supplemented by a daily announcement from The Bridge, which includes boring things like how many knots we’re doing, alongside promotions for the the shop and ‘this day in history’. The best bit is the weather forecast, which is becoming increasingly optimistic and gave us the good news that the Bay of Biscay is ‘behaving itself’. It’s becoming calmer, we’re becoming drunker, UK turned up with our cases (sweating a bit, because I’d used every kilo of the 23kg per bag allowance); life is good. Yes, it really is QUITE FUN.